So my question is ... why doesn't guilt encourage one to be empathetic? Because if you are feeling guilt over something, then you presumably are aware and the next thought or step would be to resolve that guilt by working with the other party?
Thanks for your comment, Nanc! It represents well how I used to think about this. Guilt DOES motivate us to "do" something!
The problem is that guilt motivates us to "do" something to relieve our own feelings of guilt! For example, to relieve our guilt, we might offer solutions. Or we might try to build a narrative to justify our past words, decisions, or actions.
However, sometimes, we need to not "do" anything and step back to ATTUNE to the other person. To truly empathize, sometimes we need to turn toward the discomfort, understand how they feel, and empathize. Empathy often doesn't require us to "do" anything!
It took me 57 of years of my life to realize that the lasting impact of any conflict isn't about the subject of the conflict itself. It's about how people feel.
So my question is ... why doesn't guilt encourage one to be empathetic? Because if you are feeling guilt over something, then you presumably are aware and the next thought or step would be to resolve that guilt by working with the other party?
Thanks for your comment, Nanc! It represents well how I used to think about this. Guilt DOES motivate us to "do" something!
The problem is that guilt motivates us to "do" something to relieve our own feelings of guilt! For example, to relieve our guilt, we might offer solutions. Or we might try to build a narrative to justify our past words, decisions, or actions.
However, sometimes, we need to not "do" anything and step back to ATTUNE to the other person. To truly empathize, sometimes we need to turn toward the discomfort, understand how they feel, and empathize. Empathy often doesn't require us to "do" anything!
It took me 57 of years of my life to realize that the lasting impact of any conflict isn't about the subject of the conflict itself. It's about how people feel.
This was the subject of what I was trying to convey in this post - https://www.retiredpdx.com/p/feelings-that-persist